| So yea I got a load of pic's from LA and Las Vegas... its funny I still read every ones xanga but i rarely right in this damned thing I guess it was to get away from stuff and I was literally to emo for this whole damn thing so anyway some one reply to this damn thing so I know im not wasting my time haha <3
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| Going to LA for 4 days to visit some people who ray?
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| "Your not a Fuck Up" quote from my dad this mourning...
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| SIGH...I hate sitting here all alone because when I am alone my mind
likes to wander and I think that internally I am a masochist or
something of that type I dont enjoy punishing myself but I just seem to
do it. It sucks having to grow up and experience a smorages board of
shit... if there is one good thing about this life is that I have been
blessed to be alive and in fairly good shape health wise but, I feel
lacking something lacking. Its wierd I went to one of my church
brothers wedding and I was kinda overcome with joy for him you because
he found his better half and in doing so he is completed. But, fuck
every time I think I may have found my better half and I show some
vulnerability they tear more and more away from me leaving me with less
and less to go around. No its not one person and or one thing its a
culmination of things that seem to bite me in the ass...
Am I that bad of a friend?
Am I such a person that I dont deserve happiness?
Am I a beast that doesnt deserve to live among men?
maybe
I am just really fatigued and tired of this hollow shell of a life that
I am living. I even started smoking and drinking again ME!!! smoking
and drinking I guess I just enjoy punishment... |
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